Top 10 Speeches that Bore Me

I know we are all entitled to our opinions, and those opinions maybe different than mine.  I don’t begrudge people for having different opinions.

I do, however, begrudge people for the lame lectures they give me, as if they were original.  I usually don’t mock them openly… well, I shouldn’t say that.  I’m getting more and more crotchety with age.

10.  Let’s just eat at [the same restaurant we ate at 3 times in a row], (I don’t want to think about where to go, everybody likes it, it’s the best anyway, etc.)  I don’t mind eating at a regular place, I certainly do that a lot.  What does annoy me is when someone tries to involve me in their fear of trying new things… especially when I’m in a new place (like Shanghai, or New York).  Life is to short to eat the same thing all the time.

9.  Chopsticks are just too hard…  Ask for a fork and then move on to another topic.  I happen to think chopsticks are easy, and so do over a billion other people on this planet, but if you can’t use them, I get it.  We don’t have to talk about it.

8.  I don’t watch TV…  Fine.  Shh.  Shhhhhh.  No more.  The next thing you’re going to say is jackasstic.  Yes it is.  Because it’s all about how you’re too good for TV, or too busy leading a fulfilling life, or how tv makes you dumb; whatever, there is no way you cannot sound like a jackass at this point.  Because if I brought up something about tv, it’s because I was trying to share something with you, not be regaled by how awesome you think you are.  Seriously, I was trying to tell you something, and all you can do is talk about yourself.

7.  I’m bad at language learning…  I’ll be the judge of that.  By the way, you learned your native language to superior fluency by the time you were five years old, so that is bullshit.

6.  You Americans don’t know anything about coffee/tequila/soccer/etc.  You don’t know anything about Americans.  There are plenty of things Americans know nothing about, and I will tell you what they are.  DON’T.  Lecture me about coffee.

5.  It’s a texture thing…  Ok, you don’t like it, you don’t have to eat it, and you REALLY don’t have to explain yourself.

4.  Oh, Mac?  Sorry, I… I…  I… am too closed minded to figure it out.

3.  I think of God as a feeling.  It may indeed be the case that you came up with this theology while you looked at the ocean for five minutes.  That’s great.  Listen, any further discussion you have with me about that belief system of yours is NOT. INTERESTING.  Shhh.

2.  I’m a visual person, I need to see it written.  If you’ve actually read the literature about learning styles, you’d know you don’t need to see it written; you just want to see it written.  But you’ve never actually read the literature about learning styles, have you.  No, you have not.  Newsflash: learning styles don’t work that way.

1.  I could NEVER sing at karaoke…  Listen, I understand the fear and horror you feel.  But I’ve heard this speech a thousand times, and I am just no longer interested.  Go to your happy place; imagine asking your mama for a pillow so you can lay down and cry on your pillow of fear, but spare me that speech.   You don’t have to go; if you go, you don’t have to sing, but that speech you’re trying to give me is a frakking wet blanket.

3 thoughts on “Top 10 Speeches that Bore Me

  1. Nice. Learning a language is not a “special skill” but something we all did as little kids. And an incredibly fulfilling experience. Annoys the heck out of me when someone insults me with “I hated high school spanish” or whatever.


  2. Pingback: Oh The Horror! | you don't have to read v2.0

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