What they really care about


So a while ago I found a set of a dozen phone cases for about $12 on Amazon. Yes. I only needed one case, but I bought the set so could get to free shipping; you know how it is. I thought it would be fun to change cases once in a while.

They noticed the first phone case the first day, and by the third day they were losing their minds. I would be in the middle of a grammar lesson, and I’d check the time on my phone, and I’d hear, “OH MY GOD, HOW MANY PHONE CASES DO YOU HAVE?” One boy fell all over his desk. They told another teacher quite confidently that I had a thousand phone cases, and don’t they cost $40 each? I heard he killed a man for phone case. I heard he made a deal with Satan, his soul in exchange for a hen that lays plastic cases. I heard the cases are made of babies.

I don’t know how many times I taught and re-taught the direct and indirect object pronouns to my sophomores. Twenty? Thirty? There is not a snowball’s chance in Tacoma that they’ve internalized any of that information.

I know now I should have just taped the information to the back of my phone case, because that’s all they pay attention to.

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