Here’s what I learned about myself in 2014. I’m pretty slow to perceive stuff about myself, so it’s a short list.
1. I need expensive shampoo. Need. For decades I was buying the cheapest shampoo possible. When I landed in Taiwan in July, I bought a random shampoo off the shelf; I think my only criteria was seeing the English word “shampoo.” I noticed pretty quickly that the stuff I bought seemed to clear up a lot of dandruff and skin problems I had been having since forever. I got around to reading the bottle after a while (it was mostly in Chinese, so I had been disregarding it). It was some kind of olive oil, super wholesome, no-harsh-sulfates-or-parabens-havin’ bottle of magic syrup. When I got back to Seattle I made sure to buy something similar.
Just a few days ago, I ran out of it, and I had to use some of the old harsh stuff for a couple of days until I could make it to the drug store for more ben & jerry’s shampoo. Those were dark days. One afternoon put my forehead down on the case of my laptop, and when I pulled away there was a huge, oily grease spot where my forehead had been, complete with rainbow slicks and suffocating sea birds. It was bad.
So now, at age 42, I’ve finally learned my lesson… I buy $10 bottles of shampoo instead of $1.50 bottles. I don’t even know what sulfates and parabens are; I just know that my skin is healthier and I imagine that fewer dust mites are crapping and sexing all over my face.
2. I hate the Santa Claus lie. I hate that an omniscient elderly white clown from the Arctic is judging me and rewarding my behavior with retail merchandise, by means of breaking and entering. I hate the anxiety that it causes in kids, anxiety that is usually interpreted as wonder and joy, anxiety which adults create for their own entertainment. I hate that people bust their asses to earn money and then crawl all over each other to shop for these gifts, only to give all the credit to the freakishly-dressed elf. What if you just gave your kids gifts, instead of lying?
I know people are going to call me a grinch and a killjoy for all this, but I don’t give a crap. I have small nieces and nephews, and their parents don’t have to worry about me ashing all over their Santa Claus lie, but when those poor kids are old enough, I will apologize to them for the lie on behalf of the adults, and get them good gifts, gifts made of metal.
(I’ve felt this way since I was very young, but today’s TAL finally pushed me over the edge).
4. While I’m at it, I want to say that I also really hate watching when people surprise/ambush little kids with their soldier parents returning from war. I know most people interpret this as joy and euphoria, but what I see is kids crying; months or years of horrible anxiety, finally bursting like a blister at the sight of their parent, and then BROADCAST ON TELEVISION. Yes of course it’s a good thing to be reunited with a parent returned from war, but it never looks to me like the kids want to be on TV. It looks to me like they are crying, burying their faces, they want time alone with their parents. I for one think they deserve time alone with their parents, every second, and the television spectator has no business gawking at them. Maybe that’s just me. Also the fact that that whole ambush has to be set up with their classroom teacher or on the Ellen show… I’m pretty sure that the tears and the crying happens regardless of the ambush set up. I know people see joy, but what I see is all the agony they must have gone through. Maybe it is joy, I don’t know. What I do know is that it looks highly, highly personal, and if it were me I wouldn’t want cameras in my face.
4. I can still acquire language in the wild. I started Mandarin in 2006 and took a slow road to competence, including a few “intensive” programs that were just garbage, and a year and a half in Shanghai where my Spanish improved immensely, but my Chinese pretty much stalled out. I know I go around preaching language acquisition like a prophet with his pants on fire, but… after stalling out in Shanghai, I still had my doubts. I wondered if I was ever going to make it to advanced proficiency.
This summer in Taiwan, I didn’t pay people to present grammar to me, and then test me on it. Testing is a waste of time. Instead, I paid people to let me talk my face off every day. The result? I felt like I was learning faster than I could academically manage it. I felt like my brain was not only soaking it up like a sponge, but actually attracting any stray language that happened to wander near me. I know the feeling because I’ve been through it before. People notice it happening. It’s exciting.
Now, my Chinese is still not yet where I want it; probably Intermediate (High). There are good days and bad days. When I’m among close friends, it’s a good day. When I’m with strangers or second language speakers who are more proficient than I am, I feel my own level sink down to Intermediate (Low), which is disappointing but I am used to it at this point.
When will I make it to Advanced (Low)? Who knows, maybe I’ll never get there; that can’t be my goal. My goal is to have lifelong, fulfilling relationships with Mandarin speakers, and to enjoy myself; if I can accomplish that, I know I’ll blow past Advanced (Low) without even thinking about it.
5. I love salmon cream cheese. It’s all I want to eat.
I am pretty certain that I will abusive comments about what a jerk I am for hating Santa and for wanting to deprive people of their constitutional right to watch kids to get emotional broken when their parents are home from a dangerous deployment on a couple weeks leave. I don’t care anymore. I don’t really go onto other people’s blogs to take them to task about opinions they are entitled to, but Santa Clause is a sacred cow, and so is gawking at kids whose parents we’ve literally sent into a war zone.
Maybe someone will take me to task over salmon cream cheese. That will be a relief.