Ok, so I’m so lucky to be staying in a condo in Makati during this 2015 Summer of Learning Tagalog Independently.
Later I’ll write about my tutoring sessions. Or I’ll write about the fried peanut cart that I saw on Gil Puyat Boulevard, the peanuts looked spectacular.
I’ll write later about the sale of my townhouse (St. Joseph, pray for us!).
But first, I will have to write about how I heard an explosion in the middle of the night. Boom! It’s kind of a noisy spot; there’s a night club downstairs, and there’s neighbors with company in the hallway, whatever. I heard the Boom! and went back to sleep.
Later I woke up to check on the sound of jets, which was coming from inside the bathroom. Pray earnestly, dear brothers and sisters, that you might never hear the sound of jets in the bathroom.
Before I even stepped into the bathroom, I noticed that my feet were wet and cold. I turned on the light and went inside. The bathroom was flooded, I’d say, up to my armpits, and the gushing was coming from a headless bidet hose. The spray head had exploded under the pressure, busted through the plastic. The rubber gasket lay to the side, useless and despondent.
Who knows how long the water had been gushing. Gushing, by the way; future scholars will discover the sediment deposit patterns and measure the pressure in units of Niagras.
I reach down and turn the valve. Nothing. I turn the valve the other way, nothing again. I tried turning the valve 70 more times and then finally gave up. By the way, by this time I’m fully underwater and remoras are cleaning my scales. It was bad.
WHERE IS THE VALVE! THERE SHOULD BE A SHUT OFF! WHEEEERRRRE IIIIISSSSSS THEEEEEEE VAAAAAAALLLLLVEEEEE?
Finally I put the gushing hose in a bucket and texted my cousin, who should not be awake at 5am. Shut off the valve she said, and call maintenance.
So… I kinked up the hose and tied it in a knot. And took a photo. Oh yes.
The kinky knot I tied in the hose slowed the gush down to a drip, and I walked wet clothes and all down to the doorman, who was sleeping. I woke him up and told him my bidet exploded, and he said he would call maintenance, shall we schedule it for 6am? I was like, um no, the water has to be shut off now. He got on the radio and I went back upstairs.
Then I noticed my cousin had texted me. There are TWO valves under the toilet, once controls the bidet. I looked down and saw a valve and another joint, which seemed to be just a capped off y-joint. Nope, the cap twisted: it was indeed a valve. So I twisted the valve shut and went downstairs to tell the doorman to stand down.
I mopped up what remained of the deluge, took a shower, and hung the wet rags. I’m too awake to go back to sleep now. Maybe.